I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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