I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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