Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
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FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize