Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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