Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize