if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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