I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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