Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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