Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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