"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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