I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
how does that bad decision feel?
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