oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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