One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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