absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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