Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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