drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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