Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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