Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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