Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize