do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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