booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize