I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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