god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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