put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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