we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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