she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize