4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize