Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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