If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize