I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
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just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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