I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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