So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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