i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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