Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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