You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize