please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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