what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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