y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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