Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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