she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
pray to the hookup gods
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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