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Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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