Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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