Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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