saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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