I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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