david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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