i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sober January is a disaster.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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