i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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