thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize