she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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